It is pretty weird to think that I've been here for about 6 months and in general nothing at home seems to have changed. That or no one feels like telling me about it. It probably is for the best since hearing about all the awesome things that people are doing at home would make my life a bit harder.
The past few weeks have been absolute hell for me and seem to be very draining. I've been doing way too much thinking and I'm just constantly tired because I don't sleep. I don't know why although I have suspicions (which I won't share here to save you from boredom). I don't even think about things that matter too much, just random shit that happens to come about. Example, I've woken up abruptly and had song lyrics flowing through my head to a tune I've never heard before. Minutes later they are gone but at this point I'm awake and my mind is going. I'm fucked for sleep.
I have had a few ideas for beers and brewing lately which I would consider productive for the future but I'd like to be able to capture those ideas and then get back to sleep immediately afterwards. It doesn't happen.
I've also started to hang out with normal people more often (by normal I mean people who I don't directly work with so we can't just banter and complain about work all the time) and it might be one of the things that keeps me up. After about 5 months of living in relative isolation with people you probably wouldn't ever chat with if it wasn't for beer and then suddenly shifting to a bit of "normalcy" on your days off is a bit of a shock to the system. You start to think "hey, this is what its like to hang out with people. I miss this." Things aren't so bad if you can manage to forget what you've left behind but when you get a reminder of how great life can be with friends it is fairly disruptive. One of my favourite movies is Donnie Darko and in it there is a brilliant quote. It doesn't make sense unless I explain the whole situation, which I'm not going to do, but essentially it ultimately equates to the fact that every now and then you need to be reminded how beautiful life can be. The same directly applies to being reminded how fun life can be and how good it feels to hang out with people who have the same mindset and attitude about life.
Actually putting this down on "paper" has made me feel a bit better. I shock myself at how honest these blog posts can come across when I decided I don't give a shit about what people think but honestly anyone reading this knows me well enough to know that in general I'm an open person. Most people don't know me well enough to know that I'm absolutely awful at talking about how I feel but I'll tell you right now. I can't talk about how I feel at all and even when I do its watered down with a large dose of sarcasm and off topic jokes. Telling people about how I feel would seem safer since I'm posting this on the web and anyone can read it but for some reason its easier to get things down on "paper".
Well the topic of this post quickly went from excitement to depressing but I'm happy with it. It isn't a pick me up but hopefully it will help me sleep a bit better.
Cheers
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