It is ALL about perspective

I decided this blog won't be all about what I'm doing and photos of the trip. That can be done later. What can't be done later is my thoughts, feeling and experience of the trip. Those are things I need to tell as I live them. This one, about being homesick.

I got here a week ago today. The 5th. They forgot me at the airport. I wasn't worried but I was a little pissed. It got worked out. They put me up in a Bed and Breakfast for the night (which is now a week) and are covering the costs. As soon as I grabbed dinner (some bad fish and chips) I got back, ate it and got ready for bed as I had to work the next day at 8. As my head hit the pillow, it hit me. I'm 20 hours away from everyone I know, love and want to be with. I can't say that this was entirely due to the homesick factor, since I was REALLY tired, but I can say I wasn't in good shape.

Next day, I started work. I felt that brushing off the missing feeling would be easiest if I got into it right away and met people. It didn't help as much as I had hoped but I figured it was because I was still tired and not in the right frame of mind. The next day I started to email breweries to come home and work at. I panicked.

I ploughed through 4 days or work and I was still dead at the end, feeling like I got nowhere. I spent my time off going for walks, seeing the town and on the internet. I started to feel better.

Why? For some odd reason my 2 hour walk along the beach in the dunes and with my music on made me feel at home. I don't know why, I have never lived by the water in my life. I've always felt that I wanted to live by water, more populated of course, but the water helped.

The reason? I could say it is because I'm a pisces, since fish love water. That is bullshit. I could say it is because I worked at a seafood store and that I feel at home since it was at home. That, while being great years of my life, is bullshit. I could say that it reminds me of my cottage and swimming in the lake with friends and family. While this is much better I'd think that tennis would do it to the degree I felt. It might be the fact that water is always changing and that I can relate, but we all know I'm not that deep.

The real reason? It is because (I think anyway) I was born far from where I am supposed to be. Bob Dylan says that he was born very far from where he was supposed to be. I think we all have that in us. There is something that makes us feel at home and safe when it isn't something we would expect. I wasn't born near water, raised as a fish monger (shout out to the Caudle's) and died as a fisherman. Not even CLOSE. I was born and raised like my parents were but I am not supposed to be what they are. I'm not meant to be a teacher, and I never fucking will be (not officially anyway). I encourage everyone to get out there and find your calling. Don't listen to people telling you what to do, people are idiots. Myself included. Just get out, explore and shake off expectations. They are honestly fucking useless.